Je ne suis pas la rose, mais j'ai vecu pres d'elle

Geoffrey Chaucer, quoted above in French said, I am not the rose, but I have lived near the rose. Profound.

After Buggy came to my rescue last week, he surprised me right before Shabbat with these amazing roses. As I sat down to compose this entry, I thought about how nice they smelled last week. I've been doing everything in my power to wipe away any remnants from last week's plumbing incident. Yesterday, my Dad asked me how it's smelling over here and I told him all the things I've done to try to get my place smelling better.

First, I lit scented candles, burnt lavendar scented oil and water and used the huge bottle of bamboo stick incense that Buggy's sister gave me for Chanukah in my bathroom. When that didn't really penetrate through the smell, I sprayed an entire bottle of air spray. After sighing because I'm not personally responsible for depleting some of the ozone layer, I took a whiff and still smelt the stankiness. So, I did what I know drives my Dad crazy back home. I made popcorn. And then burnt it.

That was much better. Then, I decided to cook myself a piece of meat for dinner. So now, my apartment smelled like burnt popcorn and beef. And then today, for lunch, I decided to roast an entire head of cauliflower.

As Kurt Cobain eloquently put it, smells like teen spirit in here.

The good news this morning is that the country didn't go on strike. The bad news is that no one told my bus driver and I waited for the 9:10 a.m. bus for almost an hour! The bus didn't show up at my stop until 10 to 10, and that left me 10 minutes to get to class. I called Lisa and told her the situation and she nicely informed Professor Kramer what had happened. I've never walked so fast to class in my life! I wouldn't have been that upset about missing class normally, but I really like this class and since we only meet once a week, I didn't want to miss it! Then, it was back to Professor Harvey's philosophy class and all I can say is that the philosopher we focused on today wrote in riddles. We batted a few Latin terms back and forth and tried to wrap around the proof for the existence of God, but the language was so confusing that I kept getting caught up in the prose. I'm going to e-mail Professor Harvey and ask him to explain it to me again, just so I can 100% understand it.

The beauty of my 2:00 p.m. class being changed to 10:00 a.m. is that I have the entire afternoon free! Granted, I still don't get back to my apartment before 2:30 p.m., but it beats getting in at 4:30! They are completely ripping up my street and today, they moved over to do the other side of the road. I don't exactly know who is in charge of all this road work, but that person gave the workers permission to drill through the night and I was awoken at 3:30 a.m. to the sounds of jaws of life pulling up gravel and leaving them right next to my garbage cans. If I remember tomorrow morning, I'll take a picture and put it up on the blog so you can see what mayhem is at my front door.

So, I'm trying something new today. I'm trying to give all the people of Israel the benefit of the doubt. I am hoping that my cleaners didn't MEAN to try and rip me off today.

Let me explain.

I went to get a key duplicated for my neighbor and then walked to the cleaners to pick up that Banana Republic skirt that got ruined in my suitcase. Now, I husband all of my coins because I need them for the laundromat and, since tomorrow is laundry day, all I had were bills in my wallet. Unfortunately, I did not have many small bills (that being said, I didn't have that many big bills either so don't think I'm Ms. Rich of anything). The cost to clean the skirt was 23 shekel and I handed them a 100 shekel bill. Well, they didn't want to break the bill and asked if I had any coins. I just got a 5 shekel coin when I paid to have the key duplicated, and so the cleaners handed me back 72 shekel.

Now, my parents will attest to the fact that I am not very good in math. I will admit it, I am not very good at basic counting! Yes, I use my fingers and sometimes my toes to help me out. I'm not proud of that fact, but it's my reality. Some people just can't work with numbers. So anyway, I'm looking at my 72 shekels and thinking something isn't right. Meanwhile, the cleaners went back to work and left me there staring at my money. So, I took a pen on the desk, and grabbed a piece of paper and did the math:

105-23 - 82!

He had shorted me 10 shekel! So, I called him over and showed him the math. He apologized, opened the money tin, and handed me back 10 shekel and then said, in Hebrew: "everything is okay". I hate that saying, but they're good cleaners and since I honestly don't think he meant to cheat me out of 10 shekel, I just said thank you and continued on my way.

Buggy and I are planning a little evening out next Thursday night to celebrate our engagement. I am still looking for a fun place for folks to come hang out, drink, and enjoy themselves! There's this place called Bulldog that wasn't too bad, with kosher food and a decent DJ. I know people had a lot of fun there in the past, so I have to look into it a bit more before we send out an e-mail with the details.

Tonight it's all about baking. I need to bake for Shaloch Manot on Monday! I couldn't believe that I had forgotten tomorrow is Taanit Esther, which throws a little wrench into my plans for the day. I was hoping to work out in the morning, then do laundry in the afternoon. But, since it's a fast day, I have to forgo the gym. I'm still going to hit the laundromat though, my sheets and towels need to be washed desperately!

OK, I'm off to make chocolate cakes!

Literature of the day is Ghetto Wedding by Abraham Cahan, which is a terrific short story!

And Oscar beget Neil

Neil is coming to town! In less than one week, Cousin Neil will be here in the Holy Land for almost 10 whole days! Aunt Amy is coming too and well, I would have loved to post the photo I have of Aunt Amy but I think she would have been angry with me. I have this great photo of Aunt Amy and Paris Hilton, I kid you not. The funny part is that Aunt Amy had no idea who Paris even was - they were just at the same manicure place in LA - classic!

So, anyway, back to Cousin Neil. I'm trying to be helpful on his trip East and have spent a few minutes this morning making some calls so that he can do the Kotel Tunnel Tour in English and get himself up to Amuka (hey, I'm a believer, it worked for me!).

In anticipation for their visit, and of course because Purim is coming, I have to start baking for Shaloch Manot. I am making mini chocolate cake using Hershey's cocoa I brought from the States. I have to head over to the Supermarket today to get some necessary ingredients - like coffee and flour - before I can roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty. Sadly, I don't think I'm going to be able to actually ice these cakes. I have to talk to Buggy cause he's going to be picking me up on Friday and the cakes need to last until we give them out on Monday morning in Jerusalem.

Last night, I stayed up late watching the red carpet arrivals for the Oscars. Let's be honest here, it's really all about the fashion and not so much who won. Although, I was very happy that Alan Arkin won Best Supporting Actor because I thought Little Miss Sunshine was a great film! My two cents on who looked great include Portia De Rossi (that was an incredible gown) and Reese Witherspoon (her hair was beautiful!) and what was Jennifer Hudson thinking with that space aged jacket? I personally adore Penelope Cruz, but her hair pulled back like that was just not flattering. As far as the men were concerned, I thought Sacha Baron Cohen looked great! It helps that he has someone like Isla Fisher on his arm, that's for sure. As far as Jessica Biels is concerned, she has an incredible body but he stylist should have warned her that you never wear hot pink on a red carpet. It clashes - horribly.

OK, enough procrastinating! I have to get this show on the road and head out into the rain to get some stuff done.

The Lambs are Still Screaming

Like Jodie Foster said in Silence of the Lambs, the lambs are still screaming. Yet, for me, it's the image of Thursday's plumbing incident that still plays over and over in my head. Like one of those badly edited movies, cuts from the river of waste flowing through my bathroom intersperse with cuts of the workers laughing and tracking crap throughout my apartment. Even with a 48 hour distance, I can still see it streaming. Yuck!

I spent a nice Shabbos here in Jerusalem, recouperating from the trauma and trying to catch up on sleep. I think I've finally beaten the jet lag, although I'm not 100% positive. I didn't sleep that well on Friday night, but then I took a nice long nap on Shabbos afternoon and was able to get in about 5 hours last night. With school starting on Tuesday, I'm really hoping to be back in a routine.

So, Buggy and I have been working steadily on wedding plans. In the meantime, I've decided to take an informal poll of married couples to get some wedding/marriage/relationship advice. Some advice was solicited while others were completely unsolicited. Either way, I think the comments have been pretty interesting.

Dad
When Buggy called my Dad to ask for my hand in marriage (how beautifully old fashioned and wonderful of him!), my Father told him that we are now a Team and we need to remember to act as a team. Dad reiterated this statement during the drive to the airport last week, and we couldn't agree with it more. Putting it into practice is going to be a bit challenging, we have both been single and independent for so long, it's going to be an adjustment to remember we need to consult each other before making important decisions.

Cousin Tova's wedding advice
"Its really easy to get swept up in the details, so just remember why you are doing all of this and keep in mind that the wedding is really a 5 hour party. What's really important is your relationship with Buggy, so don't lose focus of the goal. Also, expect wedding details to go wrong so if things don't turn out exactly as planned, you aren't upset the day of the wedding."
Pretty decent advice!

Omama (Buggy's Grandmother)
Buggy and I spent Friday night at his Grandparents and we had a really nice dinner with them. Before dessert, I asked his Omama what is the secret to a happy marriage. They have B"H, been married for 60+ years and they still look at each other through honeymooners eyes. Omama's advice was that marriage is all about "give and take", and that no matter what, "we should always say a nice good night to one another before going to bed.

I'm going to continue with this poll so I hope y'all aren't bored with the subject matter!

Buggy is really busy with school work today so I'm going to head back to Tel Aviv in the early afternoon. I'm hoping to get myself to the gym at some point this afternoon and will probably have to do a load of laundry. I want to wash anything and everything that was in the bathroom on Thursday. D'ya think I need to throw out my toothbrushes though? I think I might need to invest in new ones, just because the thought of using them (even though they weren't near the floor on Thursday) really repulses me.

Literature of the day is Pastries: A Novel of Desserts and Discoveries by Bharti Kirchner, cause this is as close to sweets I'm going to be getting until after the wedding!

Smells Like Teen Spirit

There's a saying in Hebrew that goes something like this Don't open a mouth to the Devil and, well, yesterday I opened my mouth real wide and said AAHHH!

I am blogging from my bedroom as the scent of waste wafts through my apartment. Apparently, while I was gone, this apartment was perfect. There was not one single problem. During the past 48 hours, since I've been back mind you, this place is back to falling a part.

First, Itai called to wake me up to let me know that there is a blocked pipe in the five apartments in this building built by this guy Yehuda. He was on his way to fix the pipe and Itai wanted me to check my toilet to make sure that everything was in working condition. I took a shower this morning and used the facilities without a problem. When I went to meet Oren for coffee this afternoon, Itai called to tell me that there was a huge block in the pipe and they were going to fix everything. I also mentioned that the kitchen faucet was very loose and needs to be fixed. When Yehuda came to check it out, he told Itai that the only way the piece could have been broken was if someone very, very strong leaned up against the faucet. Now, I know I'm a pretty big, strong gal but not strong enough to break the faucet on my own! Besides, it was fine when I left and was like this when I got back, so who was using my apartment in my absent?

Here's where the story gets really good. When I came back from coffee with Oren, I used the facilities and then flushed the toilet. Apparently, the shrink working downstairs (in the middle of a session I was told) got dripped on when I flushed! I didn't ask the details of what exactly dripped on him, but he was taking a shower when I got back from my waxing appointment. So now, Yehuda has removed the toilet from the wall and is fixing THAT problem before he needs to get back to the sink and the clogged pipe.

I wish I knew Yehuda's last name cause I would publish it on the blog and let everyone know NEVER to use this guy! I also don't blame him because the people who built this apartment were extremely cheap and this is what happens when you try to nickel and dime the contractor. You get rivers of waste running down your living room!

Oh yeah! Now they're snaking the drain with this massive black rubber hose that is caked with lord knows what...I think it's time for me to close the door and not watch them work. Trust me people, these guys aint whistling while doing this job!

Fortunately, Vera is scheduled to come and clean the apartment tomorrow. Personally, I think my landlord should pay for her to clean the apartment, but I don't know if that's a battle I necessarily want to fight at this time. I'm gearing up to light all the candles in this apartment to try to get the scent of doody out and the sweet smells of perfumed candles into the apartment. The good thing is that this completely killed my appetite for lunch, so that's not necessarily a bad thing as I could use to lose a few pounds.

Buggy is scheduled to come over for dinner though and I am not cooking and serving him a meal in a flat with this stench. I've got all the windows open folks but with the pipe issues outside the building, it aint smelling like roses there either.

Oh well, this should be the worse thing to happen to in life.

As promised, welcome to the Ugly Wedding Gown section of my blog.



The first is a fabulous creation by designed Raquel Reshef. The features on this gown makes bodice ripping more than just what you read in cheezy romance novels. For a small sum, you TOO could have strings of sequences like a corset pulling together the front of your dress! I hear the brides are lining up for this one.




The second gown, by designer Dorit Kat, includes three different types of material: satin, lace and tulle, and is the perfect gown for the mermaid wedding. Who needs a coconut shelled bra when you could showcase your ta-ta's in this sequence covered lace creation. The sheer material between the waist and bra is divine and ideal for the woman who wants her diamond studded belly ring to shine in the Tel Aviv moonlight.

And, as y'all ruminate on these glamorous creations, I want to take a minute to wish my niece Orly a very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Congrates on turning two you fabulous big sister you! I hope these guys clear out soon so I can call and sing her the Happy Birthday song, which has suddenly become a personal favorite of the Orlicious! May this year bring more musical DVD's ( ala Annie) and Elmo videos.

OK, I'm off to monitor the workers in my pad. Here's hoping for an earlier night tonight!

Insomniac Music Theater

Anyone remember the show Insomniac with Dave Attell on Comedy Central? I personally never watched it but I did watch Insomniac Music Theater on VH1 (or MTV?) quite frequently. It's 5:00 a.m. and I'm wide awake, wired and wide awake. Here's how it happened, the vicious insomniac/jet lag cycle. Last night, I was up until 4:30 a.m. because of jet lag and the fact that I'm anal and needed to unpack everything ASAP! So, when my alarm went off at 10:00 a.m. this morning, I shut it off and went back to sleep until Buggy called to wake me up at 12:45 p.m. That's when I finally dragged my aching body out of bed and got the day started. But, the exhaustion started to hit me mid-day and rather than take a nap I decided to fuel myself with caffeine.

Half a bottle of Diet Coke with caffeine.

And did I mention that I NEVER drink caffeine?

So yeah, I'm wired and my eyes are red and I should have purchased another Visine when I was back in the States. I've been IMing so at least I have folks around to keep me company through the jet lag/insomnia. One of my friends suggested that I take a sleeping pill but since it's already 5:00 a.m. and I told Buggy to make sure I was up and out of bed by 11:30 a.m., I think it's too late. I'll try to stay off of the caffeine tomorrow so I can hopefully sleep through the night tomorrow night!

In the meantime, I've been having some fun with my registries. I started one at Crate and Barrel and at Bed Bath and Beyond but haven't really added anything significant. I need Buggy's approval on all selected items before I put them out there for my family and friends to peruse. That beind said, the three items I already registered for should get his approval with no problems. For the most part, we have very similar taste, so the whole process will hopefully be fun for us. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get everything I register for here to Israel!

Just another big thing to add to my list.

OK, I'm off to try and count sheep. Maybe the motony of counting will lull me to sleep.

Here's praying!

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Just as I was about to start composing this blog, about what a glorious day is was today in Tel Aviv, my Mom called to tell me that my sister had an accident. Apparently, there is a lot of ice in Silver Spring and when she was leaving the house this morning to go to work she slipped on the ice in the driveway and fell. She broke her ankle in 3 places and is being wheeled into surgery as we speak. I'm praying for a speedy and fast recovery.

I woke up twice this morning. Once, at 10:00 a.m. when my alarm went off, and another time when Buggy called to wake me at 12:45 p.m. Oh yeah, this is going to be a lousy jetlag experience! I couldn't fall asleep until 4:45 a.m. this morning, but at least I had plenty to do.



This is what it looks like now across the street from my apartment building. I shouldn't be so shocked, I was "forewarned" when they erected this huge sign that mentioned construction on Arlozorov Street. Had I been able to understand the sign, I probably wouldn't have been so surprised when Yuda dropped me off last night next to this pile of pipes and dirt.



The noise is pretty bad, as the Catepillars have been ripping up earth and pipes. I'm waiting for the worst to happen: a pipe will burst, my water won't be any good because of some sort of break, the cesspool being accidentally punctured and waste flowing down the street, etc. Hey, I never said I was an optomist people - I'm a realist!



By the time I left my flat this afternoon, it was well into the upper 70's and bright blue skies. Not one cloud could be found on the horizon. I put on my new pair of New Balance sneaks and headed down Ben Yehuda to change money. I ran a couple of other errands like putting in the new skirt that was stained to be cleaned, buying hangers so I can hang up all the new clothing I brought back, and picking up some food for the rest of the week. The oranges here are so good, I had one for breakfast! I don't know what happened with California and Florida, but folks back in the States who can get their hands on Israeli oranges should definitely do it. They are so sweet and wonderful!

A couple of people have been complaining that I buried my engagement news within the body of one of my recent blogs. Rest asured, I am not hiding my engagement at all. I'm thrilled beyond belief that Buggy and I are getting married and can't wait until the big day.

Like good ol' Bob said: The Times They Are A-Changin'. Over the next few blogs, I'm going to hopefully map out the future of the blog as The HolyLandHipster goes from citizen non-resident to citizen newly resident.

Brace yourselves folks, cause I'm betting that making Aliyah this summer is going to be more stressful than planning the wedding!

Stay tuned to the blog cause I'm going to scour the wedding district of Tel Aviv and take pictures of all the ugly wedding gowns this wonderful country has to offer! I should have plenty to choose from folks, plenty to choose from!

The Things They Carried

Mom told me not to go to sleep at 1:00 a.m. and well, we're in luck, I am wide awake and doubt I'll be hitting the sheets anytime soon. I finished the bulk of my unpacking and just made myself a mug of Nestle's diet hot chocolate and thought I'd settle in and update the blog. You may have guessed that I'm back in Tel Aviv!

Buggy and I left New York last night (or rather, early this morning) on EL AL's midnight flight. My folks got us to the airport with plenty of time to discover that our travel agents completely screwed us with seats. Or, rather, that El Al screwed us on the seating. Essentially, Buggy and I were supposed to leave on the 7:30 p.m. flight on Presidents Day. Last week, they cancelled that flight and moved everyone to the Midnight flight but the folks on the 7:30 flight ended up getting whatever non-assigned seats were left. The airline had Buggy and I sitting in the middle seats of the middle row but one in front of the other. We weren't having any of that and, since there were no aisle seats left, we took two middle seats in the middle row next to one another. Honestly, it actually wasn't that bad! We lifted the handrests up and had plenty of leg room that the flight ended up feeling a lot less shorter than it was. Expect for the occassional turbulance (which I'm absolutely petrified of, BTW) it was a lovely flight. We were so busy doing the What you know about your bride and What you know about your groom books that I picked up at Barnes and Nobels this week, we didn't even realize we were coming in for a landing! We touched down right when some of the questions were getting good!




By the time I left Buggy at the airport and got back to my apartment here in Tel Aviv, I was itching to unpack and get back into a routine. I know with this jet lag it's going to really take some time. But, I tackled each suitcase one by one. Before really setting down to unpacking though, I called Jeff and met him and Lana for a quick bite. I felt like I was walking in a daze when I walked over to see Jeff's new apartment. It's really nice and big and has gorgeous windows! We caught up over pizza and then I got back to the task at hand. I am absolutely shocked and impressed with myself that I was able to bring all this stuff back into the country!

Like the beginning of Tim O'Brien's masterpiece, The Things They Carried the list includes: 6 jars of Taster's Choice vanilla flavored coffee, 14 books including my old recipe notebook and a new cookbook, four pairs of new shoes, 25 bags for mishloach manot for Purim, half of my CD collection, 2 plastic bags of Splenda (that really did look like bags of cocaine!), 25 comic books (for Buggy to share with his two brothers), three bags of Raspberry Tea flavored Crystal Light, 3 glass turtle figurines (of which, one broke when I was unpacking it, so now I'm down for two), 12 scented candles for Buggy's mother (a gift), my entire bencher collection, a summer comforter, 2 handbags including my winter JCrew green tote, two wool winter coats including a Shabbos and weekday jacket, enough Kiehl's products to last me through July, 3 new Banana Republic skirts, one Swiffer, one new Banana Republic skirt that was stained by the Swiffer wet wipes at the bottome of my suitcase, my wedding notebook (to keep on top of everything I need to do before the big day!) and a Tzedaka Box (that my sister bought me one year as a birthday present and was immediately filled with the two shekel shliach mitzvah money Buggy sent me when I left for New York 26 days ago).




I am still shocked that they didn't charge me extra for my huge bags! Actually, the woman at the desk noticed that I had overpacked one of the suitcases and mentioned that she wasn't charging an extra suitcase fee because El Al messed up with the tickets. That was worth the snafu alone!

Since I got a significant amount of unpacking done this evening, tomorrow is hopefully going to be a somewhat relaxing day. I need to change money cause I've got dollars but absolutely zero shekel, unpack all of my drug items, start reading the short stories I need to read for class next Tuesday, go to the gym (if I'm awake enough to move), buy food for my apartment (I've got nothing but drinks and peanut butter), work on the new short story I've been thinking about writing, get together for coffee with Gayle, get in touch with Marnina, Rachel and Fruma about Shabbos (they're in town for the OZ trip but more on that tomorrow!) go for a walk on the beach (cause it's supposed to be 70's and sunny and that beats the freezing cold weather of New York!).

Countdown until I'm back in New York for Pesach is approximately 5 weeks! I have so much to do in that time period, it's pretty scary!

Erev Tov from Tel Aviv!

Bling

It's 8:03 a.m. in the Holy Land, and 1:03 a.m. here in New York City. I can't sleep, and am way too wired. So much has happened in the past 48 hours, I'm just trying to get a handle of life right now.

First things first, I finally did it and moved over to the new Blogger. I've been holding out now, not really sure why, but I decided it was time for a change. Sometimes, change can be good. I'm hoping the new Blogger format will be a good experience.

In the process of moving to this new format, I discovered about 33 messages that needed to be moderated. After all this time, I just thought no one loved me or wanted to leave notes on my blog. But, lo and behold, I was just the loser who forgot that I changed my settings so that I have to manually approve all comments.

So, early this morning, I went through all 33 messages. I approved the ones from my fellow bloggers like Slightly Mad and Ari but rejected all those comments that were inappropriate. Oren, that means you!! I'm glad you finally found the blog after begging Hannah for the URL, and I have no idea why Lana's name appeared 3 times less than yours, but I don't think you can use that as proof that I like you better than her.

Anyway, let me call your attention to the fact that published author Ned Vizzini actually posted a comment on my blog! Apparently, I mistakenly wrote that he had written two novels prior to Be More Chill. I am absolutely honored and flattered that Mr. Vizzini, an extremely sophisticated and eloquent writer, could use such a term of endearment for me in the comment section.

So yes, Vizzini, I guess I am "a dick". Guilty as charged. But no matter how you slice it, Be More Chill still sucked.

And, before my contact lenses dry out completely, I want to share that I got engaged yesterday morning. If you're reading this on the blog and are pissed that I didn't call to tell you myself, please accept my apologies. We have been on the phone non-stop since the big proposal. Between fielding phone calls from both Israel and the States (future Mr. HolylandHipster is a Sabra), we had to shovel the snow after the Noreaster of 2007 blew through town leaving sleet, snow, and ice in her wake.

We left no snow angels, although we liberally sprinkled the salt on the driveway to keep the ice at bay. While no steaming mugs of hot chocolate greeted us when we finished our task, it was a perfect way to spend the first few hours afianced.

Too tired to select literature of the day, although I did just purchase the complete short story collection of Flannery O'Connor. She's a wonderful author and I highly recommend the short story Yellow Wallpaper.

Here's hoping the weather in Israel is a lot warmer than it is here in New York. Tomorrow will be a tights under jeans kind of day.

Oh Henrietta

I'm in denial. I can't believe that in one week from tonight, I'll be on a plane headed back to Israel. Where has all the time gone? I feel like I still have so much to do! This last week here is going to be extremely hectic, especially since I have a lot of packing I have to get done in a short period of time. That being said, I've been packing up as I've gone along so I don't have that much to do.

Last week was an exhausting blur of bottles, diapers, baths, and cleaning. I went down to Baltimore last week and stayed from Sunday through Thursday after the bris. Needless to say, it was a lot of fun bonding with the family and spending some time with my new nephew. He is named after both of my Grandfathers and of course, I cried when my Father named him at the bris. Granted, I have a hard time with the whole bris to begin with (the baby is really crying up there people, don't tell me he's just cold!) but was especially choked up when I heard that he was named after two of my favorite people.

It was great seeing my nieces and my other nephew - and of course - it's always fun hanging with the sisters. I was able to get together with my friend Debra and we grabbed some coffee at Barnes and Nobles in Baltimore. There's also this new kosher dairy place called Cocochino, owned by the same people who run Accents, and they make the absolute best chai lattes. I've been on a mission to find the best kosher chai latte in the world and have been to many places in both New York and Israel and can confidently issue the following list:

Top 3 Best Kosher Chai Lattes
1) Coffee Shop, Jerusalem (Emek Refaim) - just the right amount of froth and sweetness! Perfect for a rainy Jerusalem day.
2) Cocochino, Baltimore - so sweet you'll be riding that sugar high for days!
3) XX, Katamon - Don't remember the name of the small cafe near Tayasim street, I'll have to ask Buggy next time we speak, but it's worth it for the froth alone!

After bearing witness to my niece's first poopy in the potty, I packed up yet again and took the Acela back from Baltimore to New York. It was Thursday afternoon/early evening and I anticipated that the train would be crowded and sure enough, I ended up sharing a seat with someone. When the trained pulled into Penn Station, I was shocked to see about 15 secret service agents rushing past me to get to the back of the train (where I had been sitting). At first, I thought they were there to arrest someone but then I noticed how nicely dressed they all were and realized that someone in the Government was riding the Acela from DC. It was clear who it was when I got out of the Penn Station and saw the entourage of black sedans and town cards screaming through the lights of the city.

Yup, I shared my train with Senator Hillary Clinton herself! Too bad I didn't get a chance to talk to her, I would love to discuss the speech she gave recently at a meeting with pro-Israel supporters. I would recommend she fire her advisor who thought it was a wise idea to discuss initiating in a dialogue with Iran, especially given that President's love for Israel and us Chosen Peeps.

But, this blog is not a political forum so I'm going to move on and talk about the awesome weekend I spent back on the Upper West Side! Marns and Rachel hosted me Friday night and it was the usual suspects: Cousin Neil, Ari, Rantz, Ilana and Elana. I was just so excited to see everyone, I don't really remember everything we talked about. It was just so nice to sit next to Cousin Neil and discuss the movie we want to see on Saturday night. Shabbos, I actually made it to shul in time for Torah reading. It's Marnina's fault really; she wakes up at 9:00 a.m. on the dot and is one of the first people in shul for services. Personally, I would have been happy to sleep late but figured since Marns and Rachel were going, I might as well rally. It was actually really nice to be there for services, and to see some folks at the Kiddish afterwards. After that, I raced back to Cousin Neil's apartment to prepared for lunch on Shabbos. I had to put the food on the plata to get hot, and make the taco salad. Fortunately, the boyz (aka Cousin Neil, Rantz and Ari) still had the punch bowl I bought for the taco salad. This bowl is absolutely huge and one of the best investments ever! When you're making one salad to feed 12 people, you need a big bowl folks. This bowl holds three bags of romaine lettuce, 2 orange peppers, a container of cherry tomatos, two ripe avocados, one container of mushrooms (stems removed, even if Ari thinks that's weird I just think the caps taste better!), an entire bag of crushed tacos and of course the dressing!

Lunch was a lot of fun! This time, the boyz hosted and Marns, Rachel, Fruma, Janet, Hannah, Liora and my friends Kess and Cuch all came. I did a lot of talking at that meal, especially about the trip I took with Hannah and Liora back in October. By the time I finished washing up (that punch bowl can take up to 15 minutes just to rinse!!) and made my way back to Marns and Rachel, it was too late in the afternoon to grab a nap. I went to visit Hannah and spend some quality time, which was nice as we hadn't really had a chance to chat in person since she left in October. With an hour left to Shabbos, I went back to Marns and Rachel's and basically hung out with them until Shabbos was over.

Saturday night was a lot of fun too. I went with Cousin Neil to see Pan's Labrynth and I highly recommend that film! It was pretty spectacular and the theatre was absolutely packed! I guess that's what four Academy Award nominations could do to a flick. I hope it wins the award for Best Foreign Film. After the movie, Cousin Neil and I headed toward Makor for dinner and were joined by Ilana, Rachel, Marns and Moshe the Costa Rican. Dinner was memorable; 'nuff said. I walked into my parents house in Queens at 1:09 in the a.m. (apparently I woke Dad up, sorry!) and was happy to finally fall into bed at 2:00 a.m.

Yesterday was pretty busy with errands, lots and lots of errands. Buggy is coming to visit me tomorrow and so I've been trying to get ready for that. Plus, I had to do another unpacking and load of laundry and put all the stuff I wore this weekend into the cleaners. Then, I got bitten by the cleaning bug so I tackled my parents house. Literally, I hit the living and dining rooms hard and let's just say it all looks beautiful now! I was so tired from all the dusting and packing that I fell asleep during the Grammy's last night. Yeah, I know, I didn't miss anything. The Dixie Chicks cleaned up apparently. That's a shame, I'm not a fan of country music.

Which brings me back to this morning and why I have been up since 5:30 a.m.! They are predicting a heavy snow storm from Tuesday night into Wednesday. That means there is a chance I won't be able to get into the City on Wednesday and so I need to pack my day today and do all the things I had been saving for Wednesday. I'm actually blogging right now from my Dad's office as I have another Dr.'s appointment up at Montifore hospital in the Bronx. After my appointment, I'm going to hop onto the express bus and head into the City to have my Mac and iPod "serviced" at the Apple Store on 5th avenue. After that, I have to head back home to Queens to bake some cake for Shabbat. I went to bed at 2:00 and was up at 5:30 so chances are, I'm going to be making tonight an early one!

For all those wondering about my title for the blog, here's the story. I've really liked this British band called The Fratellis for over a year now. Then, the hipster in charge of music for the Apple ad campaigns, decided to use the song Flathead by The Fratellis in the new iPod commercials and suddenly people everywhere are excited about this band (which, by the way, has been hugely popular in the UK for over a year!). So, if you've found yourself bopping to the commerical, that song is called Flathead. Personally, I prefer the song Henrietta to Flathead, its just got a much better beat.

Literature of the day is A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every Guy Who Wants to Be One/For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One by Felicity Huffman (yup, the Desperate Housewife!) and Patricia Wolff. Just in time for Valentine's Day, here is the latest in a long line of awful relationship propoganda books. If you read last year's The Game, this one should also gather dust on your bookshelf!

Aunt Holylandhipster

It's official - Holylandhipster is once again an Aunt! My little sister gave birth to a baby boy on Thursday morning and boy is that kid lucky I was shopping at Lord & Taylor when I got the call. Yup, I practically bought out the entire Ralph Lauren layette department at the tony department store. I was perusing the dresses section when I got the call - around 11:30 a.m. that morning - and all thoughts of shopping for myself went out the window. There was a new born baby who needed a bris outfit to think of and his new big sister needed something pretty too! I ended up buying so much stuff that I had to open a Lord & Taylor credit card just so I could get the added 15% off from whatever I spent that day. The gorgeous baby blue blanket alone was worth it! My new nephew is going to be styling on this Thursday morning - please g-d - when he keeps his date with the mohel.

So, Thursday was spent shopping once again and then taking care of some errands. Friday was pretty busy - I hit Main Street a couple of times to pick up some food for Shabbos, put in the dry cleaning, pick up Purim bags (yeah, I know, a little bit early but I've already thought about my theme and wanted to make sure I got some good stuff before the rest of the neighborhood converged onto the same store to buy bags for Purim, got cake for my folks for Shabbos and bought my Dad the lotto. Cause really, all you need is a dollar and a dream. I was given strict instructions -Quick Pick, Cash Only and like a parrot, I walked into the store and got both Lotto and Mega. I don't know how many years my Dad has been playing these games but I doubt he's ever won anything. Who knows - maybe he'll score big one day soon!

Shabbat was very quiet, I did an awful lot of sleeping to gear up for this week down here in Baltimore. Saturday night I started packing two suitcases bound for Israel with some of the booty I've collected in the first week of shopping. Since I'm down in Baltimore for week two of my three week "vacation" in the States, I tried to get as much done and crossed off of my to-do list as possible. I'm already feeling the exhaustion setting in and chances are, I won't be getting much sleep anytime soon.

Today I was up bright and early and soon found myself back on the Acela heading down towards Baltimore. It was wonderful to get here and really exciting to see both of my sisters. My niece was soo cute when she saw me too, and she came over and gave me this toothy grin and a great big hug. I gave her the Elmo coloring book and the magic markers and she was very excited about those gifts. After one sister left to go back to her brood in Silver Spring, I was left to settle in and get acquainted with my new nephew. I had to formally induct him into the special club - the second child born on the first of the month club. Fortunately for him, his Aunt and Father are already card carrying members. He's just so adorable and little, he likes to scrunch himself up onto my shoulder and sleep. I have to admit, I am very comfortable, and he has burrowed himself in between my neck and shoulder, up against my chest and even tried to take off my head to settle his right on top of my neck. Clever boy already!

After giving the beautiful niece her bath, she requested that I take care of her night time ritual and I read her books while she drank a bottle, and sang her to sleep. Her newest favorite tune is The Witch Doctor and she likes to dance as I chant ooh eee ooh ahh ahh, ching chang, walla walla bing bang. No idea what she sees in that song but if it gets her to sleep, I'm a happy Aunt.

I've got about an hour left before I have to give Buggy a wake up call in Jerusalem. Then, it's off to meet Mr. Sandman before my busy day tomorrow. There is folding laundry, and food shopping, and muffins to bake and the niece to get dressed and ready for her full day at day care. It's nice to be needed, and I'm looking forward to helping out this week.

Literature of the day is People magazine with Tyra Banks on the cover. The Supermodel is now up to 161 pounds and she's proud as hell with her new look. Great article if you can pick up the copy - before they completely disappear off of the news stands.

Into the Mystic

I am wiped man! Today has been a day where you wish the hours were longer and that you weren't racing against the daylight. I went on a huge shopping spree today and interspersed perusing through the sales racks with meetings with good friends.

The day started with me trekking into the city and meeting my Mom around Dana Buchman on 57th Street. I am looking for a specific gift and was hoping Mom could help me out. Sadly, we were unable to find something and Mom left me to head back into work and I headed towards the Upper West Side.

First, I stopped into Innovative Luggage to pick up more locks for my suitcases. I lost one in my apartment in Tel Aviv, so I had to replace them. Then, it was onto the M7 bus to head over to Tower Records and Banana Republic. I wanted to pick up the new Amy Winehouse CD but when I got to 67th and Broadway, I discovered that the Tower Records had closed. I went back across the street and shopped-till-I-dropped at Banana Republic. Very successful! I managed to get two skirts and four tops.

Then, I went around the corner to Kiehl's, which is one of my absolute favorite stores. Their skin care line is simply amazing, and since my lips have been cracked and bleeding since before I left Tel Aviv, I pick up a few more lip balms. By the time I was finished at Kiehl's, Bracha was ready to meet up and we went to grab some lunch. After a nice meeting over soups and salads, I left to see my favorite person at Scott J. Aveda Salon. Josine is the absolutely best waxist and facialist on the Upper West Side! She fixed what the Israeli waxist did to my eyebrows a few weeks ago, and I headed over to the bank to pick up some more cash. Turns out, my new ATM card is not working. So, I had to reset my ID code and pick up some cash. With it burning a hole into my wallet, I went down the block to Tip-Top Shoes and bought two pairs of New Balance sneakers. I got a new pair of running sneaks and the half sneaks that are soo comfortable! I can't wait to wear them around the Bar Ilan campus once the weather gets warmer!

With a few more minutes left until I met Melissa at Crumbs, I went to the card store to pick up some birthday cards for my family members who are celebrating big days in February. After I stocked up - and picked up some cards for my Mom to send as well - I went across the street to Sephora. I needed to pick up one of those clear plastic bags for the plane, since they are very strict at security these days and I absolutely must bring certain products onto the plane with me. I'm absolutely lost and dry without my contact lense solution!

After I left Sephora, I ran into Fairway hoping to find Taster's Choice French Vanilla coffee. Buggy's Aunt requested that I pick up a few jars since she can no longer find them in Israel. I struck out already at both Supersol on Main Street and Fairway on the Upper West Side and hope to try Gristede's or Whole Foods next week. If they still make that coffee, I'm determined to find it!

I left Fairway, which was typically crowded, and went across the street to do some Duane Reade shopping. I needed stuff to take back with me to Israel and to use here, and it was the first time I traded the basket for a cart. I filled the cart with all the bags I was already carrying with me and managed to fit the stuff I was purchasing in whatever spaces were left. Armed with enough Static Guard to make sure I no longer walk around Israel with my skirts attached to my hose, I paid and went to meet Melissa at Crumbs.

Over tea and sweets, Cuch and I caught up and it really felt as if I hadn't left. In fact, I was shocked that I hadn't seen here in 8 months!! It felt like we had gotten together just yesterday. After catching up, we walked together to Eden Wok and then I left Cuch to get some Hot and Sour Soup while I walked to Makor on 67th. I am kicking myself for living on the Upper West Side for 4 1/2 years and never eating at Makor! The food was great and the company even greater. When I walked in, I was shocked to see Liora at a table with a friend. I had been meaning to call her but things have been so hectic so it was nice to run into her. Marns and Rachel were having cocktails as I rolled up like the bag lady and we quickly got down to the business of catching up. They both looked so great! It was so nice to just relax and drink and spend time together. I was really happy to see them!

By the time I got into a car heading back to Queens, I was thoroughly exhausted and my stomach was killing from whatever it is that I ate during the day that wasn't good for me! Before I head to bed though, I'm going to grab my new issue of Time Out New York and just relax and catch up on some Must See TV!

Till next time :)