Secret Single Behavior

In Sex and the City, Charlotte coined a phrase that really stuck with me throughout my adult life (or, since that particular episode aired). She called is Secret Single Behavior, or SSB, and all that changes as soon as you get into a relationship. In her case, it was something completely idiotic like checking her pores at night in a big mirror. According to her, in the episode, you can't check your pores at night if you're sleeping with a man. Because, there are certain things a single gal does alone that she doesn't do in front of a beau.

As they say in Hebrew, Halivay we should be discussing checking pores!

So, we're Newleyweds right? And, we're still in the honeymoon phase even though my Dad told us a few weeks ago that the "honeymoon is over". We're still getting to know each other. Living together is exciting and at times tense and stressful. We argue a bit, but we also make up before we go to bed, and it's really overall a lot of fun. But, we're still trying. We haven't reached that "sweatpants wearin, hand down my pants while watching TV, not washing my hair or brushing my teeth, walking around scratching inappropriate areas of my body - phase."

It's a good thing that we're still there cause it means that the romance hasn't ended yet.

But, as females, we're taught that certain bodily functions are embarressing and shameful. I bring up another Sex and the City episode, the one where Carrie farts in bed with Big, and she is absolutely mortified. So how, as females who are wired to think that a fart isn't just natural but a shameful act (and something you never, EVER, do in front of a guy you are dating/married to), do you spend your life living with a man and not pass gas? And how come we're not like guys, who (for the most part) have no problem just letting them rip wherever, whenever, and however. And, it's like the noisier the better, and elicits high fives and the such from male bystanders. Where the SBD (Silent but Violent) is a cheerwothy event akin to a touchdown? How come, women can't be like that?

Recently, I polled a number of my girlfriends and they've gotten around the public farting. We're basically taught how to "hold it in" in high school, so many know how to control it. But what, my dear readers, happens if you fart in your sleep and your husband/boyfriend is still awake and he hears you? Is it like the tree in the forest? If the person whose laying the fart is asleep and doesn't hear/feel it, did it really happen? Can you use plausible deniability?

Well, here are some tips to dealing with situations.

1) If you are awake and accidentally let out a big one and your boyfriend/spouse is within earshot/smell shot - channel the Japanese schoolgirl and cover your mouth with your hand, giggle and turn red, and say "excuse me" in the most adorable sounding voice you can muster. That can turn you back into the adorable creature you are to your spouse and hopefully, he'll be running in for a hug

2) If you accidentally wake yourself UP because you let out a big one and your boyfriend/spouse was within earshot/smell shot - well, all I can say is, deny, deny, deny. If YOU don't remember what it was that woke you up, turn the situation on it's head and tell him that it was HIS farting in bed that woke you up! Hopefully, that will turn into a funny debate about who laid what and how, and you'll both have a good laugh and get back to sleep.

OK - that's my preaching for today.

As many of you know, yesterday was my 31st birthday and it started off nicely. I got to sleep an extra 30 minutes before having to get up and get my day going. Buggy had to go to the Dr., so we showered and got dressed and ate breakfast in the succah and left in time for Buggy's 12:00 p.m. appointment. Fortunately, the Dr. gave us some good news, and we were off to fill a perscription and then on to our errands. We stopped off at Buggy's parents place to borrow a pillow as we're having sleepover company for Simchat Torah, and then we went paper good shopping. We picked up some plates and salad/fish and dessert plates and cups and matching napkins. We will hopefully be all ready for out company - which has swelled to an impressive 16 within the last couple of days! Needless to say, today will be spend in the kitchen as I cook up a storm for our guests.

After the paper goods store, Buggy left to go do some work and I went to work preparing the bedrooms for our company. It's difficult trying to figure out where to store all the stuff we don't have room for yet, and so I managed to find some creative hiding places. For example. I usually leave my two wigs hanging over the bed in one of the guest rooms. Since we need that bed too, I had to share Buggy's closet space and moved his ties over t omake room for what he calls "Wiggy 1" and "Wiggy 2". I'll take a picture later so you can see what I'm talking about. After making beds with fresh/clean linens, I was exhausted! It's a lot of work rearrranging and moving stuff from one room to another! I tried to settle in on the couch for some Iron Chef America but the doorbell rang and there was my husband, holding a bouquet of 31 red roses.

Soo beautiful and surprising! I didn't expect it because he already bought me the nicest birthday present! He preorder the Stephen Colbert book, and I CAN'T WAIT to get it in November! It's going to be soo funny, I am excited!

Our birthday afternoon began and Buggy watched an episode of Roswell with me, then we got dressed and headed to the mall to watch the movie Knocked Up which was hilarious. The mall, however, was a zoo with tons of people packing in and shopping. It was like the day before Christmas in New York with wall-to-wall people, and no parking or room to move! I told Buggy next time, we stay home during Chol Hamoed because it was really hectic and annoying. I'm just not that girl who likes to be jostled.

It wasn't so late when we got out of the movies, but the thought of eating leftovers didn't appeal to us and the beauty of living in this Country is that the Mall food court is kosher! So, we decided to pick up take out to eat in our succah. We surveyed the options and decided to go Thai noodles. We both got soup, 2 eggrolls, and then 2 starches and 2 chickens. I got the soy chicken and the sweet chicken and then the Thai noodles. Buggy got the Thai noodles, some rice, and 2 helpings of this other kind of chicken. We brought the food back to the house and had a lovely dinner in the Succah.

And then, my stomach really started to hurt. Shooting pains throughout my stomach made me rush to the toilet. And then, I went all Exorcist!



And, my husband was amazing, keeping me company during the entire episode. He ran and got me water, and would have held my hair back if I wasn't already wearing a shmata. After making sure the entire contents of dinner was out, I managed to crawl into bed and passed out. I think Buggy was telling me a story for a bit, but towards the end everything just got fuzzy and I fell asleep.

That people, is real love. When you're at your worst, and he's there right besides you to help you through it.

What a fabulous birthday!

Today, Buggy has to be at work all day long so I'm gonna be alone in the house doing what I have to do to prepare for 16 guests. Basically, I'm going to pick up the chicken at the supermarket and any of the last ingredients that I need and just spend the day cooking! I'm hoping to make a broccoli and corn kugel, the sweet and sour chicken, 2 huge macaroni and meats and the orzo. Hopefully, that will be more than enough to feed 16 people! Tomorrow, I leave the salad making and the baking for last.

Hope everyone is enjoying Chol Hamoed!