Simchat Torah nemesis: lemon meringue pie

Where do I begin? So much has happened in the span of 25 hours, that I don't even know the best place to start.

I guess I'll start with pre-Simchat Torah preparations.

Yom Tov was rapidly approaching and I had spent the entire day cooking, preparing, moving furniture and cleaning. With Buggy at work all day long, I had work extra hard because I was by myself. So, I got things going by moving around the furniture. With two heavy couches, a glass dining table, about 9 chairs and two coffee tables, it was no easy feat. But, I managed just fine and was able to clean this huge space in the center of the room. I hit the two coffee tables underneath Buggy's foosball table and the dining room table, and then got to work on the floor.

Check out my handywork:





Nemesis #1: Sponga
I am NOT a fan of the sponga stick. I find it clumsily and sloppy to use. Constantly wringing out this rag (called blatot) that is filthy because its been on the floor, in a bucket and then trying to wipe the floor with it is extremely uncomfortable for me. But, I made such a mess of the kitchen floor that it was necessary. Fortunately, I was dressed well for the occassion and managed to get the house in presentable shape for our company. I've been praying for a good ol's sponge mop ever since erev Chag. Buggy said it's impossible to find one, so I'm on a new mission.

Moving on...

I cut and prepared the three salads, and decided at the last minute to make a mandarin orange salad as opposed to the terra chip salad, and mainly because I don't remember how to make the latter's dressing so it was just easier for me to do. Good thing I did the switch - but more on that later.

Anyway, by the time Buggy got home, I was knee deep in dessert preparations and the house and tables were all set for our guests. We had little time to get showered and dressed, and Rachel and Oren will still on their way from Tel Aviv, so we stepped things up and really got moving. I was dressed and ready to go, with my wig firmly in place, when Buggy called Oren to find out how far away they were. We wanted to take a cab before Yom Tov to Buggy's parents in Talbieh so we could say goodbye to their Succah (a Buggy family tradition that includes copious amounts of good quality scotch) and then walk down the block to Chovevei for Mincha and Hakafot. But, El Jeffe was driving Oren and Rachel and soon I had no choice but to light candles as they still hadn't arrived. Needless to say, I was unhappy that we had to do the walk for three reasons:

1) Buggy had to go by himself ahead to shul so he wouldn't miss Mincha and we were hoping to usher in the Chag together.
2) I had been on my feet the entire day, and they were serious hurting me from all that moving and standing, that the 25 minute walk UPHILL was going to really get my dogs barking
3) I baked 4 tins of brownies for my MIL's big Simchat Torah open house kiddush and to do the walk AND shlept that much baked goods was going to be heavy

Well, when Oren and Rachel got here I basically blew up at them but NOT at them. All I asked was "whose fault was it that they were late, so I can blame the right person". Fortunately, it was someone else in the car and neither my guests not El Jeffe who was the cause for their lateness. I don't like him ANYWAY, so that made me feel much better and I channeled all my energy elsewhere.

The walk up to Talbieh was sweaty and I was cursing myself for wearing a heavy shirt. I dropped Oren and Rachel off at Ohel Nechama, told them what time dinner was, and made my way to my in-laws. Fortunately, my MIL was getting ready for the Kiddush so I was able to drop off the brownies and mop off some of the sweat before going down the block to shul.

And, wouldn't you know it, but as I got closer to shul I ran into someone I haven't seen since graduation from High School. I could pick this girl out of the Darkness plague - as long as she's speaking. She has one of those unmistakeable voices. In hindsight, I should have just walked on by but I decided to stop and say something. And the following 5 minutes I will never be able to get back in my life, as we had the dumbess conversation on earth.

She said: "OMG, I didn't recognize you at all. Did you have, like, curly hair in high school"
Me: "Umm, some days I did. I guess it must be the wig"
She said: "Umm, yeah, must be. I also, like, haven't seen you since high school."
PAUSE
Me: "OK"
She said: "Do you live here?"
Me: "Yeah, near by"
She said: "Nice. We're here for the holiday. These are my kids"
Proceeds to point out her children by name. Goes over my head.
Me: "Nice. Well, ok. Good to see you. Enjoy"
She said: "Oh yeah, you too, see ya!"

I didn't really like her in High School, so I guess this conversation wasn't surprising. She had the flattest stomach - after 3 children - that I've ever seen. Bitch.

So, Hakafot were typically for a woman. I.e., absolutely boring. I found some of our dinner guests and caught up with them, then went into shul to catch Buggy with his hakafah and to say hello to some of his family members, and then it was back to Baka for dinner. We ran into Hannah and Shana, which was great, as they were sure to get lost getting to our apartment.

And dinner was GREAT! It was so fantastic, I am really happy with how everything went and it made my filthy floor worthwhile. We had 14 in the end as my friend Lana couldn't make it and Buggy's cousin Gideon bailed last minute. It was a nice group, 3 friends from America, El Jeffe and his amazingly sweet, nice brother who just made Aliyah, Rachel and Oren, Nechama and Julia and Dani Shai (Buggy's friend from childhood) from Tel Aviv, Sean and Ricky from Jerusalem (also Buggy's friends). The group really interacted well, everyone mingled and what began as pockets of people eating scattered throughout the apartment ended with everyone in a big circle for dessert. That was the best part - everyone just naturally evolved into the big circle at the end. It made me feel good that everyone enjoyed themselves and, I will admit, the cooking compliments were great. When everyone left to hit the Jerusalem Simchat Torah parties, Buggy and I cleaned up as best we could and then I left the dishes to soak in the sink and we passed out.

The following morning, when Oren got up I was washing dishes at the sink. I got Buggy up for the 7:15 minyan and he made it there in record time. We had given Oren the keys since him and Rachel went out to visit friends in the neighborhood after dinner and he told us that he had a really hard time trying to open the gate. So much so, that he ended up just scaling the fence and opening the door from the inside.

Talk about crack pot security. Buggy and I will need to discuss another security measure with my folks after they finish their 3 day holiday.

So, Oren left to go to shul and Rachel and I took our time getting ready. My in-law's open house wasn't going to start until after Noon so we didn't leave here until 11:30. We got to the house right before Buggy and Oren were finished, so we went down the block to pick them up from shul. And boy, when my in-law's warned that it was a HUGE kiddish they weren't kidding. We estimated at least 250-275 people came in and out of the house. We couldn't find places to sit and at one point, we lost Rachel and Oren.

Buggy told me to go wash and so we both went into the house and washed, only to discover that there really wasn't any bread. Except, the caterers had made these smoked salmon sandwhiches, so Buggy and I went towards the table laden with food and surrounded by people 3 rows deep and tried to get a sandwhich to make Hamotzei.

Just as we got to the front of the table, this woman scooped up the last 4 sandwhiches and left us with NOTHING! Fortunately, a piece of bread was the garnish for the sandwhiches and we were able to make Hamotzei. Buggy was not pleased though, and was apalled at how rude this woman was especially since there were other people at the meal. Nevertheless, there were plenty of sandwhiches inside the house so Buggy was able to get his fill and since I don't like smoked salmon anyway, I was content with the bread garnish.

Meanwhile, there were TONS of Tel Avivians who came to the kiddish. Since it was an open house, I won't say that they crashed, but I can tell you that they certainly weren't invited. There was one girl there that Buggy went on a date with and, had she known that it was his parents house, I assure you she wouldn't have come to the Kiddish. Let's just say it wasn't the best date he went on and she didn't treat him nicely.

Buggy was enjoying the anonymity of some of the people at the Kiddish, and he got plenty of Mazal Tov's from all of his parent's friends. A lot of the family members - including extended folks from the States who were in town for chag - were at the kiddish and it was very nice to see everyone. I think everyone had a great time and the food was good. People also really liked my brownies, which was nice to hear.



Nemesis #2: petit-four mini lemon meringue pie
OMG, the caterer made these mini lemon meringue pies that were INCREDIBLE! You'll understand why these were my nemesis in a minute. Well, I ended up not eating much food. I'm not such a fan of crowded kiddush eats but since I wasn't making lunch, I had to chow down. Anyway, I had a spoonfull of chickpea chulent and 1 piece of potato kugel before I hit the petit-fours. I could go days eating nothing but baked goods, and I've got the hips to prove it too! Needless to say, as soon as I got my lips around these lemon meringue pies I was in absolute heaven! And then, after downing about 3, I couldn't find anymore. Fortunately, I knew the hosts and was able to sneak into the kitchen to find the reserves. I brought back 1 for Rachel to taste (she didn't like it! Can you believe it????) and then scarfed down a few more. I rationalized that we did a lot of uphill walking so it was ok to indulge.

As the crowd thinned, we helped clean up a bit and then Oren, Rachel, me and Buggy met up with El Jeffe and walked back towards Baka. We walked a new way and ended up on Yael street right by the shul that Buggy calls the "comfy chair shul". Fortunately, they had some of the rows of comfy chairs outside the locked shul and we all took a load off. Buggy was right, the chairs ARE amazing and so we're thinking about going to that shul tonight for davening.

We got home, took something to drink, and then slept the Chag away. After Rachel and Oren left, Buggy settled in for some work and I got the sponga bucket back out. With Buggy hard at work, I set to undo what I had done erev chag and tried to put everything back into place. It was hard but little by little, I got everything done. And, I spongaed the floors again in almost every room and so now everything gleams. Just as I was about to sponga the succah, a band started playing and it was LOUD!

Buggy immediately got on the phone with his friend Chanan, who manages all of the community centers in Baka and Talbieh, and his wife told us that the community center next door to our apartment will have an outdoor live band for second Hakafot for 2 hours. He was not happy but I was thrilled! I was able to clean to some great Hebrew music. Although, to be honest, the Arctic Monkeys would have been my first choice. But, I was so excited that they did this next door to the apartment, that I called my parents house in the States (they aren away for the Chag) and left them a message that they would be able to come to Israel for Chag and have 2nd Hakafot right next door! It was exciting, and made me a little homesick, but working always helps with the hurt.

Anyway, I was so wiped by the time I finished cleaning and doing two loads of sheet and tablecloth laundry, that I collapsed on the couch. I was feeling really sick so Buggy helped me to bed and we were out in seconds.

Today, I am doing absolutely nothing. I might take off the Succah decorations so Buggy can dismantle the Succah over the weekend. But, we have so much leftovers that I am not cooking a thing! Instead, I am going to divide and warm up and we're going to just make it on leftovers.

We both weighed ourselves this morning and I gained 2 pounds in 1 day! Buggy's numbers were similar and so I packed up ALL of the desserts we have left over from Chag and I sent them off to Buggy's office. Let them all pig out on chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookie bars. The holidays are over and folks, we are on diets!

Shabbat Shalom to all!

Gay Cowboys

Sorry for the title but I was strapped with an appropriate title for this post and then, on my HOT cable, came a commercial for Brokeback Mountain. I've seen this movie already but Israeli's will get their opportunity to watch it on TV this coming Friday night. Oh well, I'm going to please g-d be entertaining again so I guess I'll miss the second viewing.

Its been quite a busy few days! I begged El Jeffe for a ride to Jerusalem on Tuesday afternoon and, true to form, I arrive at Buggy's parents house a few minutes before candlelighting. The ride was a lot of fun though, with Nechama, Rachel and Oren sharing the trek. I sat with Buggy's apple pie and low-fat cheese cake on my lap the entire way to Jerusalem, and was thrilled that at least El Jeffe kept the car cool enough so that it wouldn't spoil.

Shavuot night in Buggy's family is amazing! We got to his Aunt's house and she had three tables set up with bowls and platters full of anything you can image you would want to put into sushi! There were stacks of nori, platters of fresh salmon, bowls of sticky rice, caviar, wasabi, soy sauce, egg and tofu and this amazing spinach and sesame salad that was divine! Buggy and I polished off almost an entire platter of salmon by ourselves! I used some chopsticks and Buggy alternated between his fingers and a fork. We had such a good time then we were both stuffed by the time dessert came out. I asked for some tea and managed to get a bag called Hot Love, which is this amazing raspberry and vanilla flavored tea. I need to find this in Israel because it was so yummy, but it's made by a company called Pompadour and I've never seen that brand in Israel. Anyway, I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I didn't join Buggy at any of the shiurim. I was a bit embarressed about it, but Buggy stayed up until the last shiur at 4:00 a.m. and said he learned enough for the both of us. Shavuot lunch was also really nice as we ate by family friends of my parents who were visiting their Rechavia apartment from Queens. After lunch, we both went to our own rooms and passed out. Next thing I knew, Yom Tov was over and Buggy and I were making our way to the Mall to run some errands. I felt a bit weird, celebrating only one day of Shavuot, but I quickly got over that when I booted up the Finale of Heroes. Well worth it!

Thursday was nice and hot in Jerusalem but I spent most of the day indoors as Buggy had to work. Then, around 6:00 p.m., we headed back to Tel Aviv to catch Bracha and Anat's performances at the Tel Aviv Museaum. They were absolutely incredible! Both were accompanied by the Holon orchestra on pieces by Mendelsohn and Bach and then Bracha and Anat closed off the night with an incredible solo duo. It was magical! Buggy and I had stars in our eyes as we left the museaum.

And then, Friday, is was back to Jerusalem for the weekend. We walked to the parking lot to pick up Buggy's car and I was drenched in sweat from the heat and humidity! I need to get some more flary skirts cause it's hot in pants these days! I was looking forward to a relaxing Shabbos and then the inevitable happened. And, when I say inevitable, I mean that I'm shocked it hasn't happened already!

Buggy's parents entertained and I was helping with the soup course. For some reason, someone put the extra dining room table chair directly behind my chair so it was difficult to maneuver. And, as I was bringing one of Buggy's parents guests her bowl of soup, I tripped on the chair and spilled the soup next to her arm! She got flustered and upended the kiddish cup of red wine. I was so embarresed and I felt awful, as if I had scalded her but fortunately I missed her. And, of course Buggy's Mom was using her white tablecloth. Well, I ran into the kitchen to get a paper napkin to mop up the spill and when I got back they were pouring seltzer over the stain, which miraculously lifted up and almost disappeared (but not quite as I wasn't that lucky).

I felt awful the entire night, even though Buggy tried to make me feel better about it. His parents and the other guests were really nice about it too, but I still felt really bad. I didn't sulk though, but I did spend the entire meal apologizing to this woman. I wouldn't have felt so bad but she made some comment that because of me, she was scared Buggy's parents wouldn't invite her back. It was a mean comment, she should have just let it go, but by saying what she did it just rubbed the whole thing in. Anyway, I told Buggy I no longer help when it comes to soup. I am good with the stuff that doesn't spill and stain - like bottles of closed soda and the salt.

Shabbat day was really nice, we ate by his brother's apartment in Katamon so at least we got in a bit of a walk and got to bond with the kids. It was really hot though and when we got back to his parents house, I was sweaty! We patted ourselves on the back for making it in the heat and then both went to sleep again. We do a lot of sleeping when we're at his parents place, and spend more time alone in separate beds then we do together! We both practically slept through Shabbos and then on Saturday night we went BACK to the Mall so that we could buy a birthday card and take out some money.

And that's when I found out about the invitations for the wedding. So, the people doing the invitations for us are really wonderful folk. So much so, that they offered to have their daughter bring the Israel and Europe invitations to Israel for us for free, as she was coming to the Holy Land for the Chag. Well, of course I was thrilled with her offer, and kept waiting to get the call to pick them up. The call came really early on friday morning, when she called to let us know that El Al lost her daughter's luggage and somehow the invitations went to Rome. Fortunately, they found our now Italian invites and they were delivered safe and sound to Ramat Beit Shemesh. Now, all Buggy and I have to do is make arrangements to go get them.

They could have been delivered to Eilat, I'm just so thrilled that they are in this Country and in one piece! I can't wait to see the invitations too, it will make the proximity of the wedding that much closer!

This morning, I met with my Kallah teacher for my very first Kallah lesson. It was a little unnerving meeting with her in a public restaurant in Jerusalem, but we really have no other choice in the matter. So, we met and spent almost two hours together! My Kallah teacher is a lovely French/Israeli woman who is married to a Rabbi in one of the Yishuvim. She is very sweet and her English was excellent, which was an initial concern of mine. Anyway, I was so flustered though about the topic that when I offered to pay for the bill and went to sign the check, I completely forgot to leave a tip! I am so embarressed, especially since we plan on meeting at this same location for the rest of my lessons! Hopefully, next time I'm in Jerusalem I'll be able to swing by and give the waitress a tip. She worked hard and didn't deserve the accidental shaft.

After the Kallah classes, I walked over to the El Al office and waited on the long line to convert my open ticket to a scheduled flight. They were pretty efficient and pretty soon I wasn't waiting for the El Al folks but for Buggy, who was stuck in traffic on King George street on his way to pick me up. We had a very quick lunch and then he dropped me off at the Tachanah with my huge knapsac. I told him that I wanted to walk from the Arlozorov bus station to my apartment and he warned me that my bag was too heavy. He said it was roughly the same weight as an Israeli Army radio and that I should be careful. Well, that just sounded like a big challenge for me and since I had equal distribution on the knapsac straps, I was excited about the prospect. I filled up my water bottle and got ready for the trek.

When I got the gate for the 480 bus, I saw the huge line and immediately joined the que. Well, I missed the 3:00 p.m. bus because it was too full but managed to be the fourth person in line for the next bus. I waited patiently with everyone on the line, sandwhiched between two sweaty and smelly gentelman but holding my breath so it wouldn't bother me. And then, out of nowhere, this woman with a shaitel and designer handbag tried to cut the line. Well, another woman on the line wasn't having it, so she started to yell at this woman to go to the back of the line. There are way too many times that this has happened to me, and so I was happy that this woman was making a statement. And boy were they going at it. The shaitel woman was screaming back that she could cut whenever she wanted to and no one could tell her what she could or could not do. Meanwhile, the shaitel woman had a daughter with her, a teenager with a pouchy tummy sucking on what looked like an iced lemonade. Well, next thing I know, the bus pulls up and suddenly this daughter had elbowed her way past ME and was pushing her way onto the bus. The woman screaming at the shaitel lady was saying she was going to go report her and the shaitel lady told her to go ahead. I looked up at the young girl, and watched as she smiled - she SMILED! - at her Mother and told her to just ignore the "crazy" woman and get on the bus. Well, I was now pretty pissed because this girl cut me in line. It was the principle of the matter! And what was worse was that she wore the garb of someone who is "frum" and acted like a complete pig.

I got my ticket and made my way to the back of the bus, taking a seat diagonal from the girl, who was waiting for her Mother to get on the bus.

I put my bag onto the seat and asked her: Are you dati?

She asked me why I wanted to know that information?

I said, you look dati based on the way you're dressed. And I asked her a second time.

Again, she asked me why I wanted to know.

So I told her that she should be absolutely ashamed as a religious girl that she acted in such a way. I told her that what she did was a terrible Chilul Hashem! And then I switched to English, because it's much easier for me to speak in English, and I just let it all come out. I said how disgusting her behavior was and how terrible it was that she did what she did with a big smile on her face.

I didn't talk long because I saw that nothing I said hit home, she still had that big assed smile on her face. It was so ugly, she was so ugly. I was so ashamed to be religious and, at that moment, was ashamed of this woman and her daughter. I wanted to tell this woman that she failed as a Mother, that she raised such a child without the basic Derech Eretz. I wanted to rip her shaitel off her head because it represents Tzinut and she acted in a manner that was not modest. But mostly, I wanted someone to come and force them off the bus because even in Israel there are rules in which you must abide by.

But instead, I pulled out my iPod and plugged myself in. I looked out the window at the beautiful scenery flanking Highway 1 and watched the green roll away as we headed towards Tel Aviv. And, once we got to the bus station, I walked all the way home carrying the 50+ pound knapsac. I arrived soaked through with sweat but feeling relaxed and refreshed, happy that I didn't keep my opinions inside to fester and that I told the girl how I felt.

I'm tired but I'm forcing myself to stay up because Office Space will be on TV in a few minutes. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day running some more Aliyah related errands. Namely, I have to go back to the Student Authority to hopefully get the signoff on my paper which will reimburse me for my tuition. Then, depending on the time, it's off to Macabi to have a chat with the Office Manager about how they've been stealing money from me for every single month since the day I signed up with them. Here's hoping I won't need a lawyer when I'm done.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day in the States and I hope everyone enjoys the Parade, supports our Troops still fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, eats LOTS of BBQ and soaks up the sun either in Central Park or on the Beach in the Hamptons!

Peeps in my Neighborhood

On Purim here in Tel Aviv, while Buggy and I were tucked away in Jerusalem not celebrating and watching a movie, some of the people in my neighborhood decided to have a big ol' party. Here's what it looked like:



Michael the Gabbai is a little Indian!



Awww, Oren and Rachel snuggle for the camera



Jeff, or el Jeffe, looks a little bit scared and scary! Be afraid, be very afraid cause he went all Brokeback Cowboy for Purim!



Aussie Gayle with an unidentified friend.



Avner looks a little wasted, or no, just kidding, he always looks like this.