Forgiveness

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness today, and not just because I've been making my rounds of Mechilah phone calls, but because Yom Kippur is rapidly approaching. NJOP, the National Jewish Outreach Program, recently launched a website called Project Forgiveness where people go online and post their apologies to people/for things they've done wrong this past year. Personally, I posted a number of items a few weeks ago and think the site is a great outlet for people. But, I also believe that it's important to go face to face with someone you've wronged and ask them directly for forgiveness.

Tonight, I had to ask forgiveness from one of my Upper West Side friends and it was very hard. Primarily, it was difficult because we had a rough year as friends and we both did a lot of things wrong. I did the asking the right way, telling him all of things I did that was bad (i.e. mostly saying mean things about him behind his back, etc.) and he reciprocated in kind. And I have to say, that is the hardest part of asking forgiveness. The rehashing of all of the hurtfull things done to each other over the year is painful, but understandable. Hopefully, this year will be a much better one for both of us.

I've left the immediate members of my family for last because, inevitably, they are the ones you hurt the most. I have a lot to feel sorry about for this past year, and much of it took place within the span of time between moving out of the City and then moving to Israel. Fortunately, I have a few more days to talk to each and every one of them and beg them to forgive me.

Unfortunately, we don't always have the opportunity to ask someone for forgiveness face to face. There are a number of people I need to ask forgiveness from, and so I'd like to take a moment now to publicly ask for their forgiveness.

Abba (ZT"L) - I'm sorry I didn't visit you more often in the nursing home, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to do what you asked me to do the last time we spoke. I know that I've done some things to dissappoint you, and I'm sorry that I made you feel that way. I wish I could do things differently, but it's too late now. I just hope that you can forgive me for my actions this past year.

The girls of Dira 3 - Twelve years ago, I did something horrible to the girls in Dira 3 at Machal. The first day at school, I met my roommates (I had gone potluck) and decided that I didn't want to room with them for the year. So, I singlehandedly switched around three of the rooms, leaving a lot of people really hurt and upset. I ended up with a great room in the apartment, and I know a lot of the other girls were miserable as a result. I still feel guilty for what happened and, if I could find out where each and every one of those girls now lives, I would call them up and ask them for forgiveness. Obviously since I mentiion it here, it still bothers me tremendously. It was very wrong of me to do, and I am truly sorry.

The ex - I'm really sorry for the way things ended between us, and especially for hurting you. I know you're now very happy, and I wish the two of you all the best in the world.

Anyway, Marnina just called so I'm going to go talk to her and ask her for forgiveness too!

Have a good night!