Thursday, March 08, 2007


The people in this country never cease to amaze me! This morning, my landlord stopped by to pick up the rent money for the next three months. I had the envelope all ready for her as I pay my rent in cash. First of all, she showed up 30 minutes later than our appointment. She didn't even have the decency to call me to let me know she was running late. I opened the door for her and she wished me this big Mazal Tov and kissed me on both cheeks. Now, I'm not a physically affectionate person to begin with but I CERTAINLY didn't want this woman to kiss me like she is my long lost best buddy. I'd rather she was the one on her hands and knees cleaning up the crap off of my bathroom floor then kissing me like she's my relative. So, she walks into the apartment and I hand her the envelope and a list of items that were destroyed during the plumbing incident last week. She looked at the list and then asked if she should leave me 200 shekels.

Now that was insulting! My bathroom rug alone cost more than 150 shekels! I know that she went all cheap on the apartment, but that doesn't mean that I'm just like her. I told her that I will look through my receipts and let her know exactly how much everything cost so she can pay me the correct amount. She told me that I should just go out and pick up replacement items and she would reimburse me. I don't want to work it that way, I want exactly the amount she really owes me.

Anyway, this was the best part of the whole morning, she actually sat down at my table and counted out the money. I've never, ever seen that happen in my life. But hey, if she wants to sit here and count out the 9,900 shekels (in 100 shekel bills) then be my guest. As she sitting there counting out her money, she has the nerve to remark what an amazing apartment this is. I laughed and told her that it's an apartment full of problems and that there hasn't been one week since I've moved in that didn't have an issue. She laughed and kept on counting her money.

Then she told me how difficult it is for her to deal with the cash, because now she has to go and deposit it into the bank and wouldn't it be easier for her if I would go to the bank and deposit it into her bank account for her.

Who is this woman??!!! What Chutzpah? I was just so shocked at her, I think my mouth physically dropped open when she made that comment.

So I said, and I'm apologizing to my Dad right now because I'm about to use offensive language, that it would have been easier for ME if she would have been the person to clean up the shit in my bathroom. I don't think that translated or she just acted dumb, but she asked why when I'm at the bank withdrawing money that I couldn't just deposit it there to her account. I explained that I deal in dollars and don't withdraw my rent money from my bank.

And with that, she handed me back 5 shekel and shook my hand. I walked her out of the apartment, she wished me a good Pesach, and that was it. I don't have to deal with her for another three months and when Itai begs me to find an American friend to move into this place I'm going to tell him no way in hell. Instead, I'm going to try to find the rudest, most abnoxious, pain in the butt Israeli to move into this place and give my landlord a run for her money!

The adrenaline is pumping folks, really, really, pumping. I haven't felt this jacked up in quite some time so I got my sneakers on and I'm going to work off this frustration on the treadmill at the gym.

Song of the day is I'm Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks.

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