Ignorance is Bliss

It's Tisha B'av morning and I'm still in bed. Buggy won't be around much today, he's going to be in shul, classes, with his Father going to holy places in Jerusalem, and chances are he won't come around until end of fast. It's a good thing, I'm absolutely miserable. Before last night, I was anxious about my exam on Thursday but excited about the wedding.

And then, in the car on the way to Eicha, Buggy was listening to the news and we heard about a pending strike of the Histadrut. They are threatening to close the airports as part of the strike. And that means I will be stranded here in Israel. Three weeks before the wedding. When every single hour that I'm supposed to be back in the States has been carefully planned so that I'm ready for the wedding.

I've already started crying. Forget concentrating on the exam this week. I'm trying but it's really not easy memorizing Rambam's proofs of Creation and proofs for the existence of God (in case you're wondering, Rambam doesn't give us a definitive answer for the proof of creation but does for the existence of God). All I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry, cry, cry. Cry about the fact that I won't be able to get on a plane on Saturday night. Cry about the fact that I won't make it to my fitting at Kleinfeld's and so I won't have a gown that actually fits my body at the wedding. Cry because lord knows how long this is going to take and that means that I might have to get married here, in Israel, without any of my friends or family around.

This is even worse that my worst nightmare because it was something I just never, ever, thought about. I told Buggy I'm going to swin to Cyprus if I have to, I would cross the boarder into Egypt to get on a plane at this point! If there is a strike and it lasts for a significant amount of time, well, I will miss my bachelorette party, my wedding shower, my hair appointments (I need my highlights done before the wedding!), my make up trial, getting a marriage license!

All the things I have to think about is overwhelming. I think I'm just going to turn over, and try to go back to sleep. I'm going to spend the day in bed, crying. And hopefully, at some point, I'll realize there is nothing crying will do about my situation and so I'm just going to have to suck it up, study for my exam, and put the fate of my wedding in the Lord's hands.

Have an easy fast.