Bad Haircut

I'm not leaving my apartment for the next month. I'm not kidding. Seriously, forget going out tonight with the girls. Forget my Shabbos plans in Beit Shemesh. Don't even think about getting me to school. I'm homebound until this awful haircut grows out.

So, it all began this morning when I walked to the Shuki Zikri salon on Ben Yehuda Street here in Tel Aviv. My hair was really long and I wanted two things done:

1) Trim the ends because they were really split and needed just a trim. I was just looking to take maybe an inch, inch and a half off.
2) Cut my bangs. Since the weather is cool with low-humidity, I can finally cut my bangs shorter since they'll look nicer in this weather. Plus, they will grow out in time for summer so I'd be able to pull them back.

I made a 3:00 p.m. appointment and that was it. When I walked in at 3:00 p.m., they immediately wanted to send me to get my hair washed before I even met the stylist! That was my first red light and so I insisted that I meet and speak with my stylist before they washed my hair. Now, I have to say that I'm not a fan of anyone who cuts my hair wet. I've gotten used to Rob's style of cutting hair dry (which actually make a lot more sense, because then they can see how the hair actually falls when dry) but I know Rob's unique so I didn't complain. Anyway, they introduce me to Jackie, a guy with no hair and no style. I should have known right away that he was going to take a hacksaw to my auburn locks! I took my hair out of the ponytail and explained to him, carefully, what I wanted done. He said all was fine and so I went to get washed. When I got to the chair, he started pulling at my hair and told me that it was uneven and that I had a "tail".

Ummm, I like my "tail". I have a hipsters haircut. You know the one, where it's sort of like a mullette but much, much cooler. So, he said he needed to fix all of the problems and started cutting. Like a moron, I figured he was the professional so I just let him do his thing. When he was finished cutting, I realized that majority of my hair laid on the floor at my feet. I was absolutely SHOCKED that he cut so much!

But, I figured maybe since it wasn't dried, it wouldn't be so bad. Now, I used to think that Israeli's knew how to do hair, in fact, Israeli's are known for their blow out. This guy was terrible. He didn't put any product in my hair and he didn't even bother using a brush until he realized that without the two, my Jewfro was out of control! He started to pick at me with the brush and yanked and pulled until he could straighten the frizzy mess he created with the blow dryer and his fingers. At which point, I covered my eyes and started saying Tehillim. I was hoping if I prayed that maybe G-d would create some miracle and my hair would magically grow from my head.

No luck.

Jackie then asked his assistant to plug in the hot iron. Mistake #2. In this country, if anyone is giving me a blow out and needs to use a hot iron, he is obviously a crap stylist. Now, I am censoring the words I want to use here out of respect for my Father, since he has requested I not curse on the blog. But, should you call me right this minute, I will unleash a torrent of words that would make a sailor blush!

So now, he is using the hot iron and still yanking at my hair. I told him he is really hurting me and so he tried to be gentler but to no avail. I was in serious pain and growing more miserable by the second. He asked me if he was still hurting me, because I have absolutely no poker face and he could tell the tears were about to fall, and I told him that the haircut was terrible.

So, does he apologize? NO. He said that I needed it and he had to do it. Not only that, but the one part of my hair that he didn't cut were my bangs! So, now I have short layers all over my head and long bangs. Folks - he gave me a Bubby haircut. In 20 minutes I went from Hipster to Grandmother and I'm miserable. I have football helmet hair. Seriously.

Shuki Zikri is NOT the best in the country as far as I can tell. Cause, if this is the country's best, G-d help us all.

After the haircut, I was schedule for a wax. I asked the woman where to go and she said just go upstairs. I literally sat upstairs for 15 minutes and nothing happened. So, I made my way back downstairs and asked what was going on. Apparently, I was supposed to knock on one of the doors upstairs because the waxist was waiting for me. Had they told me that 15 minutes ago, I would have certainly done that instead of fuming out in the hallway.

Now, Lilach the waxist was the nicest woman and she made me feel better. I started crying on the table and complaining about my haircut, and she was very sympathetic. It was even harder because the waxing was soo painful, but she tried her best to make me feel better. I gave her a REALLY nice tip.

When I went downstairs to pay, Liat at the desk asked me what I thought about the haircut. I didn't respond. She asked me what I thought of the wax, and I told her it was wonderful. She tried to pump me for my opinion on the haircut but I just wasn't going to say anything. What's the point. She can't glue my hair back to my head and I'm not going for extensions. There is nothing she can do to make things up to me. And, honestly, getting my next haircut with Shuki Zikri himself wouldn't make any difference. I'm going to be seeing Rob back in Soho in February, and I hope I can persuade him to pack up and move back with me to Tel Aviv.

I ended up giving Jackie a nice tip too, and only because my Mother taught me the right way to do things. I will just never, ever use him again. And, I will make sure to tell EVERYONE I know that they shouldn't, ever, get their haircut at Shuki Zikri (or at the very least, not use Jackie).

I'm off to finish crying before my 6:00 p.m. conference call. Cousin Neil probably found this post very boring and so I apologize in advance to anyone who thought they were going to be reading something entertaining. Unless you find my misfortune entertainment, you probably didn't enjoy the blog.

Maybe tomorrow's will be better. Either way, now would be a really good time to have that box of Enternmann's.