The Unknown

I was up really early this morning with the kids and just can't fall back asleep. So, rather than fight it, I figured I would at least quickly update the blog and then get ready for the busy day ahead.

Yesterday, Buggy and I obtained our marriage license. We had been warned that it was going to be a long, painful process and so I packed snacks for us. Celery sticks for me, and a sugar-free pudding, half a whole wheat bagel and some pistachio nuts for Buggy. We threw 2 Poland Spring water bottles into a bag and went off to get "hitched". Well, it was much quicker than I thought and even with some typical government stupidity (not standing on one line until you fill out the form on the other side of the line, etc.), we watched the woman input the information, paid with a $35 money order and walked out with the coveted piece of paper. B"H we have it, because the Rabbi cannot marry us otherwise.

That was one BIG thing off of my list, and something that needed to be done because Buggy and I are going to part ways this afternoon and won't be seeing each other again until the wedding. For those who don't know, the custom in Orthodox Jewish weddings is that the bride and groom not see each other the week before the wedding. Since I haven't seen Buggy for 2 weeks, and we needed to go together for the marriage license, the full week isn't possible for us. But, 5 days will still heighten the anticipation for the wedding.

It's so nice for Buggy to be here, I can't even say how happy just being able to look at him when talking to him has made me. Unfortunately, Buggy brought an ear infection with him from Israel, but we were able to find a nice local Dr. who saw him right away yesterday and gave him the necessary perscription. Fortunately, he will no longer be contagious by the wedding. Unfortunately, that means Buggy is in quarantine while he's in the house. Dad HolyLandHipster doesn't want to take ANY chances so he spent a number of hours resting by himself yesterday. He was pretty happy though - there was a Star Trek Enterprise marathon on the SciFi Channel!

So, last night before I went to bed, the magnitute of what's happened on Sunday really hit me and I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. Welcome to the contemplation of the unknown. For me, marriage is this VAST unknown. It's not something you can observe in other people's lives because, well, every marriage is different. And, to be honest, marriage is a really scary thing. Not in the way that I would ever be one of those Runway Brides or anything, but scary in that I have no idea really what to expect.

I've been single for 30 years, moved out of my parents home when I was 21, so I've basically been taking care of myself for almost a decade. That means I ate what I ate, when I wanted to eat it. I slept when I slept and when I wanted to go to sleep. I did my laundry when I felt like it. I went out after Midnight to meet friends when I wanted to. I traveled where ever I wanted to go. You get my drift. But now, I'm no longer just me. I'm me and someone else. My friend Hannah mentioned coming for Shabbos P"G during Succot when she's in Israel. Well, I automatically said "of course" because, well, of course I would love for her to come for Shabbos. And then later, when I was telling one of my married friends about my day and I mentioned this, she said that "she hoped I said I would check with Buggy first and then get back to her".

People, that just did not occur to me. I will have to always check with Buggy first from now on before I make commitments. That is going to take a heck of a lot of adjusting to, but I hope I'll get better about it in time.

Some of my friends want to know if I'm freaking out. Nope is the honest answer. I am really excited about the wedding, nervous about the flight back to Israel with all of my stuff and anxious that I'm going to be really tired during Sheva Brachot.

As for the fear of the unknown, I am actually adopting the same attitude I had at this time last year when I was about to move to Tel Aviv for a 2 year commitment. When I had no family, and no friends in a Country where my language skills are sub par and the culture is extremely different.

Yeah, it's definitely really hard when you over think things and get over whelmed, but if you just concentrate on one aspect at a time. For me, it's knowing that when I have a bout of insomnia, I will no longer be alone with the television as my companion, that is helping me through this incredibly amazing yet scary life adjustment.

And the best part of this - Buggy is going through the same feelings right now - so it's great that we're both in this thing together.

Today is going to be busy with wedding errands - picking up the gown, going out to the hall and florist, getting my sister's gown pressed and picking up the wedding programs. I will probably drop fairly early, but that's okay, I could use the sleep.